Quitting the Failure Mindset
How to stop getting in your own way
One of the biggest problems that I have faced my entire life is the idea that I am not good enough. My biggest critic has always been myself, which has stopped me from going after things I want.
The idea of success has never been more shoved down our throats. Social media has opened the flood gates for everyone to share their grand steps towards success. It can feel really daunting at times. Especially when you see some people that blow up seemingly overnight on TikTok or YouTube. Those success stories all at once make you think it can happen for you but then also think, not me. But why not me?
Back in 2008, I was a 12-year-old in my peak middle school years. It was awkward. I was awkward. Well, one of my best friends at the time had asked me to make a Youtube Channel with her. YouTube had just been created the last few years and was gaining popularity. We made a couple of videos (unfortunately still out there), but I lost interest in it.
I didn’t want to create YouTube videos because I was embarrassed. I kept thinking of what my family would say, or, what the kids at school would say. But mostly I felt that I wasn’t pretty, cool, or creative enough to do it.
Fast-forward to now, there are thousands of successful YouTubers. Many of who have been doing it since they were in Middle school/High school when it was just becoming a platform. I look at creators like Claudia Sulewski. She is the same age as me and started YouTube in her bedroom when she was 14 or so. Now she’s a multi-millionaire. I constantly ask myself what would my life be like now if I hadn’t been so quick to give up back then?
This same idea can be applied in many different scenarios. I wanted to publish a poetry collection, to start a blog, to start a TikTok, to run a 10k, and more. But I am always so quick to count myself out. We have so much access to different ways to become successful and make extra money, yet, we get jealous of seeing people actually achieving those things.
In 2020, I got really into manifestation and mindset work. This was due to the fact that I had been laid-off from my first “big kid job” (thanks Covid), and was having a hard time getting a new one. I spent 7 months doubting myself and trying to learn how to stop doing that.
One of the things I found during this time, is that I am one of those people who hate on others success. I would see posts of people getting promotions, job offers, making a bunch of money, and I would feel like a failure and get upset.
Root for other people.
This is one of the most important mindset shifts to make to start succeeding. When you are constantly jealous or mad, people can feel that energy. Ask my roommates at the time, they will tell you how bad my energy felt during this period of my life. So, I have made it a goal of mine to start truly rooting for others. Now, I try my best to shut down the negative feelings I have and find space to be happy for those I see succeeding in ways that I am not.
There is also a wonderful option of blocking or muting people who make you feel badly about yourself. During the last year, I have blocked, unfriended, and muted so many people to stop bringing out negative emotions in myself. This way, I will only leave space in my digital life for positivity.
What’s The Worst That Could Happen?
This was one of my biggest mindset shifts over the last year. What is the worst that can happen? I got a dream job because I applied to this company on a whim but wanted the best. Here I am. I was featured as a model on Express.com in a jeans campaign. All because there was an open casting call and I thought it would be fun to go.
I didn’t have any modeling experience and wasn’t interested in modeling. But I thought it would push me out of my comfort zone. The worst they could say was “no.” Now, I get to show people a picture of me modeling jeans for a huge retail brand.
Start posting on social media. Start writing a blog. Just start.
I am a chronic quitter. I have always had a hard time sticking to things. Even as a child. Which relates back to my “not me” mindset. I have never wanted to put in the effort when something didn’t come easy to me. My thoughts always went back to the idea that nothing would come from it.
One of my major goals in life is to be an author. I have started and stopped multiple novels at this point in my life. I hit that point where I go “this isn’t that good,” and it makes me fully stop. Currently, I am over 40,000 words in a book that I am writing. The farthest I have ever gotten by A LOT. I am writing most days and have a goal to finish in February. All because I have worked and worked on getting rid of my self-doubt.
I recently read the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. This is a fantastic book if you want to start to change your life. One of the major lessons in this book was about setting systems instead of goals. One of the two habits that I am terrible at doing is writing every day and wearing my retainer.
I would keep telling myself to write at night but then would find myself each evening watching TV or reading instead. I have a full-time job by the time that 6pm rolls around I just feel too exhausted to want to write. So instead, I wake up at 6 a.m. and write for half an hour or so. I changed my system not my goal.
Same with my retainer, I used to keep it by my bed thinking I would pop it in right before I fell asleep. Inevitably I would get too tired and forget. So, I moved my retainer case to the bathroom next to my toothpaste. Now it is the next thing I grab after brushing my teeth at night.
By creating different systems for myself, I have started creating new habits that always seemed difficult to conquer. It is true what they say, a failure to plan is a plan to fail. One of my biggest shifts to help me from not quitting is to write out what I am going to do each week to work towards my goals.
What will my life be like a year from now?
If I kept implementing my shifts in mindset along with my new habits, what could happen in a year?
I only started using Medium very recently, within the last month. Already, I have started to create a plan to post weekly on this platform. I also want to be financially free in the next 6 years. I wrote a recent post on how I am changing to achieve this goal.
This year is all about achieving for me. There are many goals I have set for myself with systems in place to help me get there. Along with my habit systems, I practice daily gratitude and affirmations. All of this to help me truly believe in myself. I am starting to stop listening to that voice that says it won’t happen because why not me?
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