Ruiner
Watching you ruin her
Became my daily routine
Looking into that reflection
I watched as her soul caught fire
Her heart became the ash of your words
And her lungs filled up with the smoke
Of a lost love
I cried out — as the spark left her eyes
Searching the room for a face
Her hands reaching out for a stranger
A stranger who was never coming home
At night she curled up into herself
Intertwined with despair and a sense of hopelessness
Remembering how it felt to curl up into you, warm under the blankets of solitude
She ate ice cream and Chinese for weeks
Her favorite show became “Lost”
Because google maps doesn’t have a destination for when you lose yourself
You, you destroyed her
And I had to watch as bottles and bottles disappeared into her
As all the care for the world seeped out
As she took to a faceless bed
Screaming out your name like a war cry
Because within the shadows of alcoholism you were the one sobering thought
People called her names
And people called her up
They knew she was ruined
They knew that you took everything she was and turned her bones into paper
Her skin into your ash tray
The cracks in her lips were created by every last ‘I love you’
The memory of your fingertips still brushed her cheeks
Her only sense of rescue was the prescription she’s been on for 3 months
The months since you left her behind.
Since you chose pixels on a screen over the girl who shared your bed
The girl who made you food
The girl who paid attention
The girl who chose you
The girl, who gave up everything that she was.
I smash the mirror, I turn off the lights
I can’t watch her any longer.
Originally written in 2016.
